You've heard the rumors, now, Whitney Houston reveals the incredible risks she took to save her marriage, her heartbreaking struggle to have another child, and the secret source of her inner strength

By Jeanne Wolf

In a car on a dark highway in New Jersey, I'm listening to Whitney Houston's latest album, My Love Is Your Love, a bittersweet collection of dongs about the challenge of loving your man. The painful lyrics recall the very public struggle Whitney has facedin her marriage to singer Bobby Brown, whose arrest record has unfortunately only reinforced his image as a tough guy.

Is she singing about the ups and downs in her own love life? After ll, everyone knows they were once separated. I hope I'll find out during a rare encounter with Whitney at home, unplugged from her celebrity and those superwoman titles-movies star,multiplatinum artist,and five time Grammy winner.

There is a cozy fire glowing in her living room, and the smell of hotdogs drifts in from the kitchen, a handsome, slim man in jeans,a diamond necklace, and bare feet greets me: "hi, I'm Bobby. I'm glad you're here" their six-year- old daughter, Bobbi Kristina, darts by, her Yorkshire terrier at her heels. Her daddy instructs her "Krissi, say hello."

"Oh you call her Krissi?" Iask. He grins and swoops her up in his arms with a kiss. "I call her baby Girl. Isn't she something?"

"My dog's name is Doogie Howser," the little girl announces, as she and the puppy slither into a bookshelf to hide as her mommy enters the room. Whitney, dressed insweats with her hair casually pulled up, is beautiful even without makeup.

Krissi jumps into her mother's arms for a quick cuddle. When Whitney starts to talk serioulsy, Krissi jumps down and heads for her toys, calling out,"Daddy, wants to play Laser Challenge? "

He laughs and the two head off to the bedroom, as Bobby and Whitney exchange affectionate glances. This scence if domestic tranquillity is a startling contrast to the way Whitney's marriage has been portrayed in the press. "Too good to be true?" I have to ask her. Whitney swears not. But she admits it wasn't always this way.

Red Book: It's well known that you and Bobby have had some rocky times. WH: I don't know anybody who hasn't gone through ups and downs in a marriage. It just so happens that Bobby and I have done it in public. The first five years of marriage are rough-if you can get past them you're doing good. But during those years it was rough. We are two very famous people. i had my own money and my own career. It can be tough on a very strong male who has his own cuccess to be with a woman who has hers, too. Red Book: And you're both strong-willed

WH: Yes, strong-willed, but we are crazy for one another. I mean, crazy in love-love,love,love,love. When we're fighting, it's like that's love for us. we're fighting for our love, and somethimes that means being apart.

Red Book:How far did those fights go?

WH: Contrary to belief. I do the hitting, he doesn't. He has never put his hands on me. He wasn't raised that way. He is not a woman-beater, and I wish they would stop saying that about him.that's madness. When he first read that, he was devastated to think he was being portrayed that low-as a man who would lay his hands on a woman.

Red Book: When things really got difficult in your marriage who did you go to for help?

WH: Our parents. He could call my mother about me and I could call his mother about him saying,"Tell me what this is all about, what your son is doing. I don't get this. Somewhere along in his childhood something happened. What is this all about?" And he would ask the same kind of question of my mother. We would go back to the source, because problems don't always derive from the marriage, a lot of them come from way back when yuo were a kid.

Red Book: Many hurtful things were written about Bobby during the tough times. Would you like to set the record straight?

WH: What was written-about what I did, what he did- wasn't always true. bobby is a party guy. He likes to go out and he likes to hang with his friends, He likes to dance with different people. When people saw him without me doing that, they figured, "Oh, he's out cheating." Now I'm a smart firl girl, okay? I follow up. I have checked my husband out and he was nothing like they say he was-nothing.I checked him out when he wasn't even looking, so I can say that truthfully.

RedBook: One of the songs on your albumhas the lyrics"Close the door behind yu,leave your key>" Are those words you've said?

WH: We've been through that, but I also said, "Just go. I will be right here,I'm not going anywhere. I married you forever, and I live you" Bobby is always like,"I know that." I think most women fight for their love,fight for their marriage, fight for their men.

RedBook: That's a powerful thing to say to a man: "Iam married to you no matter what>"

WH: No matter wht-because I love you,I'm crazy for you. I could be with anybody I want to,but I can't image tht. I love my husband, I love our family, I love our families together.If you could see our families together, you would know this is the way it's supposed to be. The Browns and Houstons-areyou kidding?-we have a ball.

RedBook: If I were an armchair psychologist. I might say some of the trouble Bobby got into was because he was acting out what he couldn't solve-about learning to grow up , about being married.

WH : You would be a very good armchair psychologist because I'm sure that's part of it. And me,too. I mean. I had never been a married woman, I had never had the responsibility of having a child, or a husband who could rock and roll as hard as I could and better. A husband who is wanted by a lot of females who still approach him. But now we are having so much fun knowing each other, learning abut each other, It's like w got past a certain point and now it's like,"God, its so good , and we know it's going to get even better."

RedBook: Can you understan that people may have trouble reconciling this with all the stuff they've read about the two of you?It may be hard for them to image Bobby like he is tonight-at home and playing with Krissi.

Wh: You'd be surprised . Bobby sits right there by the fireplace and watches television and eats his dinner. That's where you will find him, at least five days out of the week. I kid you not. I wouldn't lie. He needs me like I need him. Sometimes even more, you come back tomorrow, next day,next day. It doesn't matter to me. You can come back next week, and it will still be like this.

Red Book: You once told me."Oh, we laugh at those tabloid headlines." I don't think you're laughing anymore.

WH: "No, not anymore. I have to protec my daughter,so it's not funny, She has to go to school with kids whose parents red those magazines. Iam sure the children hear about it and I have to deal with what she hears.

Red Book:Has she ever brought that up to you?

WH: Krissi knows the truth. She knows what happens in this household. If she hears anything she can say."This is not my daddy,this is not my mommy". We are very straight up with her saying,"You are going to hear a lot of stuff in your life about Mom and Dad. Anything you want to know, ask us, we will tell you."

Red Book:She look like she was having so much fun with Bobby just now, when he was swinging her around.

WH: they are like best of friends. Bobby is her buddy. As a matter of fact, I have five nephews, and nieces, and Bobby takes them out all the time. They lover their Uncle Bobby. He's the kid, you know.

RedBook:I think there's some kid in you, too. Listening to that part on your album where you're laughing made me think people take you too seriously sometimes. You can be a cutup.

WH:I can be. If you go back throught my life. I will show you a lot of laughing. I think people don't see me as being a fun person.They miss all of that. I wish I could just bring them all up with me and go through the memories with me so they'll all know how Whitney really is, that Whitney has a good time, Whitney is a character, Whitney likes to have fun.

RedBook: Do you and Bobby share a lot of laughs?

WH: If you could have seen me last night you would have been on the floor. I was so tored after working on a video and my husband an I were riding home. It was like anything he did tickled me-I was laughing and cracking up. Tn, we get home and I'm sitting at m vaniy tabl, and I think of somthing so stupid, that I must have laughed for half and hour, I kid you not, Bobby is going "If they only knew how silly you really are,"

RedBook: Well, do you feel you have to be in a very safte environment to let that playful little gitl in yurself come out?

WH: Sometimes People take it wrong. Like I'm out in publice, and I'm really hamming it up, haveing a good time, and they are kind of going,"Hmm, what's wrong with her?"

Red Book: So is it important to have people around yu who understand that?

Wh: Yes. The people who work with me, I have known all my life, basically they're my cousion, my aunts, my friends. That makes me comfortable they know me well enough not to take anything I do out of context. It makes me very nervous to think of meeting new people. I have bee in the business for a long time, and I don't have the capacity for it anymore.

RedBook: Has Krissi been your savior from some of the madness of show business?

WH:Yeah. I know she needs me for me not for my records, not for my record contracts, not for my photo soots, none of that madness, She needs me for me. To kiss her, to hug her, to say,"I love you".

RedBook:We all have fears about kids. What are you scared of?

Wh: My worst fear is that I won't be here for her. That I won't be there for her when she needs me Or that she won't call me. Or that she will trust someone else that scares the s--out of me.

RedBook: Are you a very protective mother?

WH: Yes. I would kill for Krissi. I know that I could really kill for my daughter. I know because I"m living forher, so I"M fierce when it comes down to it. And I feel the same about my husband and my family. I"m just fericely protective. It's like that's my lair and nobody messes with my lair.

Red Book: Do you hope your child will grow up to be like you?

WH: I want her to be smarter. I was less aggressive then she is. I had to learn to be aggressive. She takes no crap, none whatsoever. She's pretty much her own person. She stands up for herself. That took years for me to accomplish.

RedBook: Did you always know you had the capacity to be tough if you had to be?

WH: I knew it was there. But I am very timid. I don't like confrontations. I don't like quarreling. I can do without it. As I got older, however, I reakized that people would take advantage of you if you didn't stand up for yourself. You've got to let them know that these are the boundaries, this is where I stop, this is where it is. If you don't di that, they just walk all over you. I've seen it happen.

Red Book:Your mother is such an influence in your life, and she's anything but timid.

WH: My mother is a very, very strong woman. I can remember back in the days of growing up she'd say,"Until the time when you can say "I'm grown, I can take care of myself,' you do what I say, and you understand that one day it is going to be best and you will thank me. I know you're going ti hate me now, but you are going to love me one day." And she was oh so right. She taught me how to be a lady.

RedBOOk: That's an old-fashioned term. What is being a lady?

WH: I suppose she meant the way you conduct yourself and how you live your life. She always said. "Whitney, you have to have standards. If you don't people will disrespect you." She said, "You must let everybody know, this is how far I go. This is it"

RedBook: When you became successful, how did she feel?

WH:My mother in all of her wisdom, was concerend about me just staying levelheaded and not getting these grand ideas of I'm the one, Iam the best, She would always say after I had a number one song, "That's very nice. But you stilll have far to go." I said, "But tis is the fourth nunber one hit for me. I just did something no one else did." Ans she said,"Well do more."

RedBook: You're the star of VH1 Divas LIve 99 and you've been known as a diva.Sometimes that's a compliment,but sometimes it isn't.

WH: The idea of being a diva is taken very wrongly today. Women don't want to be called divas anymore. My very dear ffiendd Lauryn Hill said, "When a sister is a woman who is intelligent, musical, and knows what she wants, she's either called a bitch or a diva never a genius."

RedBook: If they call you a diva, are you okay wit it?

WH: I'll take a diva, but i want to reflect something positive, meaning:"Do it, but do it with humility." I dont have to be competitive to be a diva, I'll see the young ladies out there and say,Hey, I love you,I'm proud of you. Go for it."I talk ti Monica, Ive talked to Brandy.They asked me questions and we talk. Iam like their mother. I wll call them and say "I love your album. I love it." I try to stay away from the bitterness, I'm too blessed to be bitter.

RedBook: Would you say that you mother Krissi the way you were mothered?

WH:Yeah I do It is really weird, you turn into your mother, Iam more demanding of her, We have housekeepers but Krissi;s play area is her responsibility and I make her clean that up. Krissi is the kind of kid who likes to come in and throe off her clothes. She leaves everything all over the place. She's like her father; he does that too.

RedBOOK: It's hard , isn't it, to go to work when you have a young child.

WH: Being away from my child for weeks at a time is the tough part for me unlike other professions where it might be a couple of days.That kills me. It justs kills me. I was just at a metting with her teacher because I had taken Krissis out of school so much. I missed her when I was away. Ans the teacher said. "She cant be taken iut anymore. She has to catch up to the other children. And if you keep taking her out of school she won't be able to." But she and I need each other. Krissi will call me and say,"Mama I miss you." And that does it. That does me in. I say "Okay, I am going to send for you tomorrow," Iam weak like that.

RedBook: How do you maximize your time together?

WH: We sit on the couch. We watch Sister,Sister and sitcoms on television and we nuzzle. We call it cuddling. And we just sit and we read, you know. She has to do a book report twice a week, so we do the book report together, Sometimes she likes to dress up in my gowns. She likes the swingy ones with kigh-heeled shoes, But no makeup. Bobby doesn't loke to see her in lipstick. When I'm away. I teach her how to dial the numbers so she knows how to call me exactly.

RedBook: I'm sure you don't have time for cooking.

WH:Bobby can cook better I can. He's the cook in the house. He makes a honey catfish that is so good.He will take chicken and rice and corn and green beans and jut put them all in one pot and stir it up with the gravy. Iam telling you something it's delicious.

RedBook: I wouldn't even think of asking about cleaning.

Wh: Acually I live to vacuum. Oprah and I takled abuot why we both like to do it. We came up with the conclusion tht it gives us a sence of accomplishment. It's a sence of being clean, being neat. I don't know why, but I am a freak fir vacuuming.

RedBook:Are you still going to try to have another baby?

WH:We are trying. Ive had a few miscarriages. It's a real scary thing. My doctor says my body is affected by my stress level. If Iam really,really stressed my body will not accept the pregnancy. I got pregnent and miscarried. I had another miscariage when I was filming The Bodyguard. Then after I had Krissi, I miscarried again, If I hadn;t had those problems I would have had a bunch of kids by now.

RedBook: Where does the stress come from?

WH:Probably work. During The Bodyguard I was not prepared for what I was to encounter. I was on the set in the morning and I would go right to the recording studio because I was also doing the soundtrack. I hardly had time to eat and sleep. We had to go to Lake Tahoe, where it was freezing. I spent a lot of time in the cold and I did a lot of running, which just wear me out. I miscarried by the time I got back to Florida.That was my worst nightmare. My mother walked in Iam in the bathroom and Iam crying incredibly. My mother looked at me and she goes,"Hey,this is life. This will pass too. You will get this over with and we will move on. Do you hear me girl?" I looked at my mother's eyes abd reakuty just hit me. My mother is the reality lady-"Get up and get it together, girlfriend." She was like, "You're going to have a baby." And by the following March, Krissi was born.

RedBook: You're in a calmer place now,but would you put your career on hold for a pregnancy?

WH: I don't have to, because I think I'm better equipped to cope now.

RedBook: You have not only a gift, but a big gift.Is the responsibility of that too much sometimes?

WH: Sometimes it's very heavy. People tend too look at you as what they see on TV or what they read about, as if they know you. I don't have a complicated kind of life. I don't really quite know what makes me such a mystery. Iam like this, just as you're seeing me. I was raised through show business. I wanted to sing. I wanted to be in show business. My mother took me through the ins and outs of the business. She took me behind the scenes, and anywhere else she could.She said,"I want you to know it because I don't want you to be disillusioned."

RedBook: You seem so centered. What's the source of that?