824 replies to this topic

[Tbone504]

I logged in daily to read posts on WF since its inception. Now its even harder to log in because I know that there are other that feel the same way that I do. I feel like Aunt Nippy or Sister Whitney died. I did not think that it would hit me this hard but mentally I never really prepared for this day. I did have some reservations as ironically the pics where she was always snapped in pictures is around Cedar Sinai Medical center here in Los Angeles, about 2-3 blocks from my house. Deep down I always feared the worst but showed a brave front as there was always these pictures taken every 2-3 months at the doctor's office (regular check-ups). I now know that there must have been some serious medical challeneges which may have existed. My heart aches for Whitney as outwardly she went through so much public ridicule and so much dispair and inside she was presumably battling her own medical challenegs by herself.

The prayer sessions and interceeding by greats like Kelly price make it really clear to me that Whitney was so loved and people like Pat (sister-in-law) really truly had her back. I am really trying to gain a solid ground underneath trying to understand it all but please nail it to my head and not to my heart as I am simply rambling my thoughts as I find it so hard to get to sleep nightly since February 12th. It is now 2:06am in the morning here in California and I just cannot sleep now that we've lost our navigator sort of speak. I have scheudled some therapy appointments this week so please pray for me and I wil lcontinue to lift you all up in prayer as we work to get through this chapter in the book.

In Love & Friendship,

Tony

[lovenip]

Yes it really goes up and down how I feel. I felt better in the begging actually. But I don't think I really understood it then. Beaucse it feltso unreal. But yesterday and today I have felt really, really sad. Last night I cried a lot again.. And I just feel like crying all the time today. I think I am finally getting that she is gone. I am not really sad for Whitney. Beacuse I know she is in a lot better place now. Free from all her sorrows and problems. But I am sorry for me for us, that we will never see new pictures of her and get new music. We hopefully will get some unrealesed tracks. It's the first time I am losing someone that I love as much as I love Whitney.

[liz06]

This has been the longest and worst emotional roller coaster of my life.

I still have trouble grasping that she is gone, even after watching the funeral and everything. I think as life goes on its becoming real that she isn't here anymore and it tears me up.

I hear Whitney's name and just associate her with life and being alive, then I realize she passed and it literally hits me all over again.

[NippyFanNy779]

liz06, on 26 February 2012 - 03:23 PM, said:

This has been the longest and worst emotional roller coaster of my life.

I still have trouble grasping that she is gone, even after watching the funeral and everything. I think as life goes on its becoming real that she isn't here anymore and it tears me up.

I hear Whitney's name and just associate her with life and being alive, then I realize she passed and it literally hits me all over again.

Your posts are just everything I'm going through. My mind logically knows that she is gone that she isn't coming back but it feels so unreal. I feel stupid saying this but I come here everyday hoping to see a thread that says Whitney is alive and I hurt all over again when I don't and have to face again that she isn't coming back

[Whitney~Lover]

NippyFanNy779, on 26 February 2012 - 03:44 PM, said:

liz06, on 26 February 2012 - 03:23 PM, said:

This has been the longest and worst emotional roller coaster of my life.

I still have trouble grasping that she is gone, even after watching the funeral and everything. I think as life goes on its becoming real that she isn't here anymore and it tears me up.

I hear Whitney's name and just associate her with life and being alive, then I realize she passed and it literally hits me all over again.

Your posts are just everything I'm going through. My mind logically knows that she is gone that she isn't coming back but it feels so unreal. I feel stupid saying this but I come here everyday hoping to see a thread that says Whitney is alive and I hurt all over again when I don't and have to face again that she isn't coming back

These. Im just living in denial a lot of the time. Im just waiting for the nightmare to end and wake up, but it isnt happening. I just hate the constant feeling of grief, I was not at all mentally ready for this.

[liz06]

NippyFanNy779, on 26 February 2012 - 03:44 PM, said:

liz06, on 26 February 2012 - 03:23 PM, said:

This has been the longest and worst emotional roller coaster of my life.

I still have trouble grasping that she is gone, even after watching the funeral and everything. I think as life goes on its becoming real that she isn't here anymore and it tears me up.

I hear Whitney's name and just associate her with life and being alive, then I realize she passed and it literally hits me all over again.

Your posts are just everything I'm going through. My mind logically knows that she is gone that she isn't coming back but it feels so unreal. I feel stupid saying this but I come here everyday hoping to see a thread that says Whitney is alive and I hurt all over again when I don't and have to face again that she isn't coming back

Exactly. It's just eating away at me. It's like an constant kick to the stomach when I realize she is gone. Yesterday was a bad day, I was doing alright but then I heard All At Once and those lyrics just tore me up! Then I see other people carrying on with life and either they hide it well or they are just able to move on and I feel like I'm just stuck...stuck in this bad dream thats actually a reality.

[CoNcLusIveTrUthZ]

NippyFanNy779, on 26 February 2012 - 03:44 PM, said:

liz06, on 26 February 2012 - 03:23 PM, said:

This has been the longest and worst emotional roller coaster of my life.

I still have trouble grasping that she is gone, even after watching the funeral and everything. I think as life goes on its becoming real that she isn't here anymore and it tears me up.

I hear Whitney's name and just associate her with life and being alive, then I realize she passed and it literally hits me all over again.

Your posts are just everything I'm going through. My mind logically knows that she is gone that she isn't coming back but it feels so unreal. I feel stupid saying this but I come here everyday hoping to see a thread that says Whitney is alive and I hurt all over again when I don't and have to face again that she isn't coming back

This. I keep having these moments of "Whitney's really dead" and I just get pissed off and try to forget about it. I won't let my spirit fail me, I won't let my spirit go, untill I get to, my destination.... Those words are RUNNING my life right now. She kept singing this in my head all that week everytime I wanted NOT to do something that involves a goal in life I'm working towards. I can't let this destroy my life even if it in a sense did crush a big happy part of it.

In the end, we all gotta keep moving. Hell, Whitney died tryin'. BLEEP!.

EDIT: as I hit post, it hit me those words and her song and her in general told me I could get that damn degree that I got. Those words I had printed and posted on the wall above my desk, the only thing there. Conclue don't do corkboards and mess. LOL But I taced that on my wall to keep me going all through college. This is a mess.

Edited by CoNcLusIveTrUthZ, 26 February 2012 - 09:40 PM.

[Terrence]

I hate hate hate hate this... I was good. I was ok. I thought I had processed all of this and was on the road back to some sort of normalcy. I thought my cry at the church Friday night was it. Sure there would moments here and there, but I'm good. I'm ok... I was wrong. I hate seeing Whitney's name and picture showing up on the memorial tribute section of award shows. Tonight Oscar's set me in all over again. As soon as I saw the white screen with the words "In Memoriam" I knew it was coming. I sat and held my breath thinking that despite it all; despite the news coverage, the constant reports, the headlines, the feelings, attending the funeral, seeing her gravesite, hell even seeing that damn National Enquirer picture that in this moment if they didn't show her face that it would all be a lie. Everything would be fake. Whitney would still be alive somewhere. Happy. Healthy. Living. Surrounded with love. Full of life. But when her name did appear every bit of sadness and emotion I felt when I first got the news two weeks ago came RIGHT back. I really hate this. I know the hope is unrealistic and makes no sense, and everytime it does nothing but set me up for failure and this feeling of blah all over again but it never fails. Its just so damn hard to accept this. I never wanna be the one to question God or His master plan but it just doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem fair. I've never felt like this before. I've only had one major death in my family in my life and this feels like a second. I always hear people say she's in a better place. She's with the Lord. She's resting. She's happy. It feels so selfish but I get tired of people saying that. I always said above the career, above the music, above the movies I want her happy. But now I just want her back. Even if she never recorded another album, or filmed another movie I knew she was somewhere. Alive. Even if she was on the island selling her fruit it would give me comfort to know it was the best damn fruit the island ever had... I feel like I'm just rambling now and going on and on, but even though family and friends try to comfort me and offer well wishes I still feel like no one really understands how I feel except for ya'll. No one really understands how huge of a loss this is. How it feels like part of my soul, our soul is gone. Our very existance here and reason for coming together is gone... It doesn't make any sense. This is the first time I've cried fully over this since last Friday. Damn damn damn I wanna get off this emotional rollercoaster... It was a great night, a great weekend and now it feels like the bottom was just snatched out suddenly... again.

[liz06]

Terrence, I feel you, and your post has me in tears. When I seen "In Memorium" it just doesn't feel right that Whitney, our Whitney, should be on that list. It's just not right. It's not okay. I wish we could have her back, I wish none of this happened. It's just so devastating. Why is this so hard to accept? I can say it and my mind will believe it, up until I see something else that says she's gone and it hits me again. I try to find comfort and I don't want to question the Master Plan but it's up and down and I am a MESS!

I just miss her so much.

[Cantor]

It's okay to cry it out, and it's okay to feel bereft.

I know it doesn't help to hear the words that are meant to console - you know, those "She's in a better place" words - but if we are a people of faith that believe she is in a better place, we should be looking forward to that time when we will be reunited with our sister. And I dare to call her 'sister' now ever more so, because she's more dear to me now than ever before, because I believe in the promise made to her by the Savior.

No, there's no coming back to this place for her (and we hurt because we miss her being here), but we will one day be going forth to where we believe she went. Just as Whitney Houston blazed a trail for others to follow her in the business of entertaining her fans, let us also make sure we follow her in clinging to the promise of eternal salvation, and living in ways worthy of that promise. I mean, she was always ahead of her time, wasn't she? Always a leader, right?

I know there's no need to tell my fellow fans that we should remember 'the good' about Whitney Houston, because we surely don't want to fall into permanent despair and anxiety. Remember how much she loved reading her bible. Remember how much she loved her faith roots. And as we remember, pray for each other that we, too, have strength to fight the good fight and run the race, and persevere to the end.

But I just miss her! You may cry, and that's okay. She was taken from us far too soon. Yes, I feel the same way.

The thing that brings me the most comfort right now is when I think (not in a morbid sense) of my own mortality, and how when I close my eyes for the last time, I might see not only my God face-to-face, but also everyone else I've loved in this life, including Whitney Houston. I'm also only just beginning to get to know all of you here as I've only just joined the community, but just think of what a joyful meeting it will be for all of us to be able to say: "So nice to meet you; I prayed for you, and here we are!"

And if we all persevere to the last (just as I pray Whitney did) we'll be able to be together, in joy, eternally.

[Terrence]

A while back I was slowly becomming more of a Beyonce fan. I was really gettng into her and some of my friends teased me tht I was a stan. I joked that I called Clive and he allowed me to transfer my Whitney stan card over to Beyonce during the quiet time but as soon as Whitney came back out with Sparkle or something else new I could transfer my Stan membership card back. But now... Now that she's gone I came make myself listen to Bee. It feels like I'm somehow cheating on Whitney and cheapening what she meant to me. It felt ok to give someone else so much when I knew it was only a matter of time before the #1 would be back. But now she won't be back and it just feels wrong to continue to give that love to someone else... does that make sense?

[LatinNippy24]

Terrence, on 27 February 2012 - 12:48 AM, said:

A while back I was slowly becomming more of a Beyonce fan. I was really gettng into her and some of my friends teased me tht I was a stan. I joked that I called Clive and he allowed me to transfer my Whitney stan card over to Beyonce during the quiet time but as soon as Whitney came back out with Sparkle or something else new I could transfer my Stan membership card back. But now... Now that she's gone I came make myself listen to Bee. It feels like I'm somehow cheating on Whitney and cheapening what she meant to me. It felt ok to give someone else so much when I knew it was only a matter of time before the #1 would be back. But now she won't be back and it just feels wrong to continue to give that love to someone else... does that make sense?

That makes a lot of sense Terrence because I too feel that way. There is no way I could EVER "give that love" and admiration to ANYONE else. After we lost Whitney, it's as if a part of me went with her. No one else will ever get that part of me again - it's gone forever. I'll continue to love music but I am 100% sure that there will never be anyone who comes close to Whitney E. Houston or who will come close to making me feel the way she did when she sang with that God-given talent.

[karan]

I dont have any such 'no.2' myself who even comes close to Whitney. Ive NEVER bothered about following them the way I followed Whitney. If I liked them, I just liked their work and that was always the extent of my fanship, until Whitney came in my life and her name got etched into it. I know ther is nobody who I can ever love as much as I loved Whitney. I love Meryl, but even her winning Oscar doesnt make me happy at all. Its like I just dont care anymore. The red carpets, those many events wouldnt feel the same - coz if when she never attended majority of those, just the speculation of it and imagining her being there 'the next time' used to make it exciting enough. But now, there will never be that next time...I do know the madness in me as a fan cannot be brought by any other artist, coz for me there will never b a talent as great as Whitney's, I also at the same time fear about the changes that would occur in my fanship with Whitney. Like I know the 'imagining' would no longer be there,i.e., listening to an old performance and thinking what if she does it all over again and proves everyone wrong...but she doesnt have to now. Im not that strong a believer like many of you, but I still try to hold on to a God, coz at times thats the only source of hope. And I hope there is a heaven. And I hope Whitney is safe, loved and in peacd there...I hope I meet her in my time.
Love her much!

[Zolas]

Terrence, on 27 February 2012 - 12:05 AM, said:

As soon as I saw the white screen with the words "In Memoriam" I knew it was coming. I sat and held my breath thinking that despite it all; despite the news coverage, the constant reports, the headlines, the feelings, attending the funeral, seeing her gravesite, hell even seeing that damn National Enquirer picture that in this moment if they didn't show her face that it would all be a lie. Everything would be fake. Whitney would still be alive somewhere. Happy. Healthy. Living. Surrounded with love. Full of life. But when her name did appear every bit of sadness and emotion I felt when I first got the news two weeks ago came RIGHT back. I really hate this. I know the hope is unrealistic and makes no sense, and everytime it does nothing but set me up for failure and this feeling of blah all over again but it never fails. Its just so damn hard to accept this.

I know the feeling... still waiting to happen for it... I even had it with my father, and I was there when he passed away, I clothed his body and closed his casket. And still sometimes I wonder if he's really gone. It's just surreal.

[truthspeaker06]

You know during the day, I'm ok. I'm able to get most of my tasks done, I'm able to be somewhat normal with friends, co-workers, family, etc but without fail every single night when I'm alone in my bed it all sinks in. She's really gone. I think it's because I'm so busy during the day that I don't have time to stop and think or feel anything but when I'm alone at night, I'm actually alone with my thoughts and my feelings & they all keep me company every single night. A part of me still does not want to accept it, like I'm living in some bad bad bad nightmare & I'm trying so hard to awake. You know those dreams that are within a dream? Where you think you're awake but you're really not? That's what I keep hoping this is, but I know it's not.

I went into walmart Saturday night & there were Whitney cd's EVERYWHERE! she was dominating the "new release" display as well as most of the aisles. I brought 4 albums just because. I haven't opened them & it'll probably be some time before I do, if I even do. I just listened to her for the first time yesterday, TPW is about the only Whitney album that I can listen to at the moment.

the hardest part for me now is seeing the numbers "date" after her name. Before it would read August 9,1963 –, but now it reads August 9, 1963 – February 11, 2012