It finally happened. On the way home from work yesterday, the woman who sat next to me on the bus was talking at a decibel that could rival the space shuttle. I decided I would listen to my iPod. Now...up until this point...almost a month and a half since February 11, I had not listened to Whitney on the iPod. But for some reason, I decided at this point that I would just do it. I couldn't decide which Whitney to play. That always happened when she was with us, but it took on much more profound meaning now. Picking the right song/album was critical. Then I just decided to let go and let "Shuffle."
The first song: If You Say My Eyes Are Beautiful. I was thrust back to my freshman year in high school. I've always loved this song. But listening to the fresh, clear, emotional, and powerful voice...I closed my eyes and pretended she was still alive and I was 14 years old again. And I began to lip sync to her parts of the song, onlookers be damned. She truly was a dynamic and wise-beyond-her-years interpreter. I used to think this was one of her easy songs technically, but no, I don't even think other professional singers could hit the peaks and valleys she hit.
Second Song: IBIYAM. The tears started streaming. The lyrics held so much more meaning now. iPod was choosing to play her most difficult songs.
Third Song: IWALY. Done. My head is down and I'm softly shaking and trying to wipe the tears as quickly as they come. My body starts to move to the rhythm of Whitney's delivery.
What I didn't realize is that I had my iPod turned up so loud, that people around me on the bus could hear me. I opened my eyes, and several people were looking at me. But...I swear...they weren't looks of ridicule. They were of understanding. They heard her through my ear buds; some smiled sympathetically. I took the unplugged the earbuds from the iPod and let her roar. No one lipsynced, no one sang along. We just listened. I was calmer, and I felt...welcomed. You know how it is to be ridiculed for being a Whitney Fan. Not on the back of this bus yesterday. They understood. They felt the loss. And for once, she got to soar over all the other thumpity-thump iPod music that usually dominates the bus.
She was at the climax if IWALY when I exited a bus. There was actually a guy who gave me a pat on the back as I left.
What the BLEEP just happened is all I wondered. This is exactly what I needed to experience in order to continue listening to her again. People really do get it. We've lost a treasure. But through her music she seems so, so alive.
Beautiful. Very moving. Life finds a way to give you want you need, when you need it, and i am so glad you got to experience this.
Ya know, i am kindof in my own Whitney fan bubble, i knew she was loved, had mega fans etc, but this, all this, it feels like all over the world there's a cloud that's been crying. I am meeting strangers at parties, on trains etc who are feeling the loss deeply. This has impacted the world just as Whitney did in life.
Much love as always. Whitney forever.