In quiet moments thoughout the day I find myself shaking my head, silent, still in disbelief. I feel like a storm just ravaged through my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not borderline depressed (clinically, anyway). I don't let it affect my interaction with my husband, daughter and friends, even though they know how much I love Whitney. But I still can't quite put the pieces together to see how everything continues without Whitney. And maybe its my fault. Maybe I was obsessed. Maybe we all were. I constantly wondered what she was doing, what she was thinking, where she was gonna be and who she was meeting up with. Though I'd never met her in real life, she was family. I didn't live my life for her or because of her. But it made me happy just to know she was out there, being Whitney. I guess that's the part some people can't understand. Losing Whitney was like losing energy, losing joy.
That's how I feel also! It's like I don't understand how other people, fans or not, can't see how her huge great energy is now gone from this world and to me this world will never be the same! I was like you just knowing she was out there somewhere doing her thang while I was out there doing mine brought me happiness. And was soo looking forward to one day meeting her with my lil boys so they could hit her with their pretty eyes and maybe talk her into taking a picture with me! Everytime we're at LAX I would be looking around waiting to maybe by chance see her and now it's like now what? She's gone
... Today isn't such a good day for me. It comes and goes I guess. I am so glad I have you guys to talk to! I did find joy today watching youtube videos for a little while.. There's one of her at a concert and she's running from a butterfly! It makes me LOL everytime I see it! That's how I try to remember her and wish I could just forget she was gone forever and just imagine she's still out there but my mind and heart won't let me.