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There are so many things on my mind right now! I do not really know why i have just started this blog, but i felt the need to write, so i am writing!
I've felt sad recently, and i can not figure out why! Maybe it's because i long for some human contact (the more i am with people the more i want to be with them). Maybe it's because i do not know what to do with my life now. In 2 months i am finishing school - i have almost finished my BA thesis - and what then?Part of me wants to go abroad pernamently but the other part keeps saying "Don't go anywhere!stay here in Poland and do sth with your education!Enroll to a university and try to build your life here". It's like my heart tells me to go but my logic tells me to stay!I truly hate this state of mind, heart and soul when i feel so lost and confused and i do not know what to do. My friend has recently showed me this offer that pepole that would entertain resort guests are needed in one of the travel agencies and i thought why not. One additional information - really great one - is that i can chose the country if i get selected. So i thought of Egypt; sometimes i can't stop thinking of it: Me + Egypt + people = quite an adventure
,but i am quite unsure of one thing, namely how would i deal with people? I am not a very people-orianted person and i have always struggled in that area of my life. I do not have many friends as i have never really had. It starts bugging me. Many years ago i made a promise to myself, that i would not be afraid of people and that they won't prevent me from realizing my dreams...so going to Egypt, if i ever get selected, would be like facing my longtime fears and when i am thinking about it now, while writing these few lines, i feel like i want it so so so so so much 'cause i'been fed up so much with myself for so long for not dealing with this problem that i'd give my all and even more to get rid of this issue from my life, my mind, my heart and my soul now. You do not even know how much it has affected my existence. It's time to take control of my life (now i have melody of Janet Jackson's "control" on my mind)...
Have you ever felt like you were born in a wrong era, you are serounded with wrong people ect, cause i get such a feeling sometimes. I idolize and glamorize other eras, thinking that it would be easier for me to live there, but you know what, it is a one big fat lie that i want to stop believing in. Life now and life 150 years ago was moreless the same because people, no matter where or when they live, they always have these so called "timeless " problems - finding a partner, paying the bills, bringing up children, learning how to cope with...(fill the gap with any word or phrase that is on your mind)...What i am trying to say is that it's time for me to let go of my past and start living in my present, learning to capitalize on the things i have, on the moment i am in...
It's true i am lonely and slightly desperete but i guess it's a part of the circle of life...
I wasn't sure what would i write here, on my blog, i don not even know if i post another entry, but i feel quite good now as i hve just said some thoughts that prevent me from sleeping at night. I feel relieved...at least slightly...
And one last thought: If you do not accept people around as they are and you keep blaming them for your problems, you do not accept yourself as you are and you do not know how to take responsibility for your life and your actions.
I'll try to stop denying myself:)
and
"...in time you'll find the way" as Mariah Carey sings in "Hero"
I've felt sad recently, and i can not figure out why! Maybe it's because i long for some human contact (the more i am with people the more i want to be with them). Maybe it's because i do not know what to do with my life now. In 2 months i am finishing school - i have almost finished my BA thesis - and what then?Part of me wants to go abroad pernamently but the other part keeps saying "Don't go anywhere!stay here in Poland and do sth with your education!Enroll to a university and try to build your life here". It's like my heart tells me to go but my logic tells me to stay!I truly hate this state of mind, heart and soul when i feel so lost and confused and i do not know what to do. My friend has recently showed me this offer that pepole that would entertain resort guests are needed in one of the travel agencies and i thought why not. One additional information - really great one - is that i can chose the country if i get selected. So i thought of Egypt; sometimes i can't stop thinking of it: Me + Egypt + people = quite an adventure
,but i am quite unsure of one thing, namely how would i deal with people? I am not a very people-orianted person and i have always struggled in that area of my life. I do not have many friends as i have never really had. It starts bugging me. Many years ago i made a promise to myself, that i would not be afraid of people and that they won't prevent me from realizing my dreams...so going to Egypt, if i ever get selected, would be like facing my longtime fears and when i am thinking about it now, while writing these few lines, i feel like i want it so so so so so much 'cause i'been fed up so much with myself for so long for not dealing with this problem that i'd give my all and even more to get rid of this issue from my life, my mind, my heart and my soul now. You do not even know how much it has affected my existence. It's time to take control of my life (now i have melody of Janet Jackson's "control" on my mind)...Have you ever felt like you were born in a wrong era, you are serounded with wrong people ect, cause i get such a feeling sometimes. I idolize and glamorize other eras, thinking that it would be easier for me to live there, but you know what, it is a one big fat lie that i want to stop believing in. Life now and life 150 years ago was moreless the same because people, no matter where or when they live, they always have these so called "timeless " problems - finding a partner, paying the bills, bringing up children, learning how to cope with...(fill the gap with any word or phrase that is on your mind)...What i am trying to say is that it's time for me to let go of my past and start living in my present, learning to capitalize on the things i have, on the moment i am in...
It's true i am lonely and slightly desperete but i guess it's a part of the circle of life...
I wasn't sure what would i write here, on my blog, i don not even know if i post another entry, but i feel quite good now as i hve just said some thoughts that prevent me from sleeping at night. I feel relieved...at least slightly...
And one last thought: If you do not accept people around as they are and you keep blaming them for your problems, you do not accept yourself as you are and you do not know how to take responsibility for your life and your actions.
I'll try to stop denying myself:)
and
"...in time you'll find the way" as Mariah Carey sings in "Hero"
